I don't recall it surprising me then,
you saying that I loved you badly
it was true -
and only the beginning
I could never convince myself that you
understood my motivations
I was so sure of my discretion
Perhaps you were not so blind in your need
as I was deaf in mine
I heard you though and understood
that I was not a poor lover
but in my rush to be gentle
I became awkward,
by studying sympathy I became
narrow-minded
and missed you desperately by the hour
cursed myself constantly
took confusion in stride like a free
set of luggage
it's true that I loved you badly
but you accepted what I gave
It is also true that I asked for little
more than to be with you
to be for you what you needed
Possibly I asked too high a price
for too little a return
and my notebooks got filled with fantasies,
blueprints I knew would never be built
and yet when I could hang on no longer
and you sent me away
I couldn't help but hate you
oh, how I tried to hate you
It wasn't you though it was me
and I punished you by punishing myself
in your lap
coming around too often
making scenes
but always exiting a gentleman
I was always in some way
afraid of you
But when we had finally done
all that we could do to each other
when we had finally made good
on our threats of mutual poetry
and the versed closed
and the scars tamed
I finally learned to love you well
I haven't stopped laughing since
(c) David McIntire