I don't recall it surprising me then,

you saying that I loved you badly

it was true -

and only the beginning

I could never convince myself that you

understood my motivations

I was so sure of my discretion

Perhaps you were not so blind in your need

as I was deaf in mine


I heard you though and understood

that I was not a poor lover

but in my rush to be gentle

I became awkward,

by studying sympathy I became



and missed you desperately by the hour

cursed myself constantly

took confusion in stride like a free

set of luggage


it's true that I loved you badly

but you accepted what I gave

It is also true that I asked for little

more than to be with you

to be for you what you needed

Possibly I asked too high a price

for too little a return


and my notebooks got filled with fantasies,

blueprints I knew would never be built

and yet when I could hang on no longer

and you sent me away

I couldn't help but hate you

oh, how I tried to hate you

It wasn't you though it was me

and I punished you by punishing myself

in your lap

coming around too often

making scenes

but always exiting a gentleman


I was always in some way

afraid of you

But when we had finally done

all that we could do to each other

when we had finally made good

on our threats of mutual poetry

and the versed closed

and the scars tamed

I finally learned to love you well


I haven't stopped laughing since


(c) David McIntire



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